Running Up That Hill
by swedegirl
Summary: Buffy is dead but happy up in heaven. Meanwhile Giles is miserable and greiving back on earth. Both wish they could trade places with the other and make everything all right again. Song fic based on Kate Bush's song Running Up That Hill. Please review!


**Okay, small disclaimer. The plot of this story is my own but I've tried to fit it into the storyline of _The Gift _and _Bargaining_ parts 1 and 2. The plot is based around the song Running Up That Hill and so it deviates from the actual storyline (otherwise this wouldn't be my story, now would it?). So, plot is mine, characters are borrowed from Joss Whedon the fabulous creator of Buffy. And the song lyrics belong to the lovely Kate Bush. Hope you enjoy the story, my first Buffy-fic. And please review!**

**Running Up That Hill**

_It doesn't hurt me  
>Do you want to feel how it feels?<br>Do you want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me?  
>Do you want to hear about the deal that I'm making?<br>You, it's you and me _

The smooth amber coloured liquid burned in his throat as he drained the glass. Tears streaming down his face, he reached for the bottle and took a good swig from it, discarding the tumbler. The sweet numbness of being drunk would come faster if he drank straight from the bottle he thought. And that's just what he wanted: to feel numb, or rather, to not feel anything at all. The sound of Kate Bush's enchanting voice filled his ears; he'd found his sister's old vinyl records today and remembered he'd quite liked Kate Bush back in the day. It had been hours since he put the record on, not realising his mistake until the song began playing. He reached out his hand to the record player on the side board next to him; he put the needle back to the right place on the record for… well he honestly didn't know how many times he'd repeated the song during the evening. But the contents of the liquor bottle had subsided considerably, so it must have been fifteen – twenty times at least. The words of the chorus line touched him to his very soul.

_And if I only could  
>I'd make a deal with God<br>And I'd get him to swap our places  
>Be running up that road<br>Be running up that hill  
>Be running up that building<br>See, if I only could, oh _

How he wished he could've been the one to die instead of her. The world was dark and dreary now without her in it. Life seemed meaningless and all he did these days were eat (because he had to, but food had lost all taste), drink (sometimes water, mostly whiskey) sleep (when his body became too exhausted to stay awake anymore) and cry. He missed her. And he cursed himself that he'd never built up enough courage to tell her how he felt; that he loved her. She had truly been his entire life; he would have given up everything to save her. But then again, she was just the same. She had given up everything to save the world; to save her sister, her friends, him. Completely selfless, as always when it came to the people she loved. And that only made him love her more. Draining the bottle, he threw it in the fire, pieces of glass shattering and he let out a howl of raw pain and grief. How could he ever live again now that she was gone?

_You don't want to hurt me  
>But see how deep the bullet lies<br>Unaware I'm tearing you asunder  
>There is thunder in our hearts<em> 

Looking down from heaven, the sight of her Watcher in this state scared the hell (if you pardon the pun) out of her. She'd been happy with where she was, content with no longer being alive and walking the earth, content with her shapeless existence in heaven. Up here everything was calm and happy and she knew that the people she loved were all safe back on earth, she'd saved them. She knew it would take some time before they got over her death, but eventually they would all return to their normal lives and find happiness again. That's what she'd thought. But lately there had been this gnawing feeling in her that something wasn't right, that not all of them were faring well. So she made a wish, a request, to have a look and make sure they were all okay. She almost wishes she hadn't. The rest of them were coping all right, but him… he was broken. And she had been the one to break him.

_Is there so much hate for the ones we love?  
>Tell me we both matter, don't we?<br>You, it's you and me  
>It's you and me, won't be unhappy <em>

He never called the others anymore. They'd tried to stay in touch with him; Willow and Dawn called regularly the first month. But as he sank deeper into depression, he answered their calls less frequently. When he did answer, he was short with them, making excuses for why he didn't have the time to talk. Even though he knew it was neither right nor fair, he began resenting them. Soon he stopped answering their calls altogether. And they eventually stopped calling. Dawn sent one letter. He never opened it and he didn't receive any others.

She hated seeing him this way. She always thought he'd be the one to stay strong if something like this happened, only because he knew that there was always a risk of her dying. She just hadn't counted on the fact that he'd seen her as more than a young girl, more than just the Slayer. She wondered if her death had been easier for him to cope with if he'd known that she loved him to. It didn't seem fair that he was so unhappy, when she really wasn't… until now.

_And if I only could  
>I'd make a deal with God<br>And I'd get him to swap our places  
>Be running up that road<br>Be running up that hill  
>Be running up that building<br>See, if I only could, oh _

Willow hade finally convinced the others that Buffy might be in hell and that they had to revive her, bring her back. Deep down she knew it wasn't right and she knew that Buffy probably wasn't in hell at all. But damn it, if they didn't bring her back, then they would loose Giles to, of that she was sure. So she set about planning how to get the others on board and soon enough they were chanting the spell that would resurrect their friend.

_You, it's you and me  
>It's you and me, won't be unhappy <em>

Giles sat bolt upright in his chair. He'd dreamed of her, of Buffy, and she'd smiled at him and whispered to him not to worry; that things would be alright. Then, a flash of light and the image of Buffy crawling out of her own grave. That's when he'd woken up. For the first time since her death he felt something. Elation… and fear. Something had happened, something to do with Buffy, he could feel it. But he was afraid, so very afraid. What was going on?

_Ooh, come on, baby, ooh, come on darling  
>Let me steal this moment from you now<br>Ooh, come on, angel, come on, come on, darling  
>Let's exchange the experience, oh<em>

Buffy broke through the earth and crawled out of her own grave. Blood from he torn up fingers dripped on the ground. Pain shot through her body and even the darkness that surrounded her seemed to be too bright. Every little rustle of wind through the trees seemed as loud as a storm and her senses once so keen were now all in a jumble. 'Giles' was her first coherent thought as she staggered onwards. 'I have to find Giles'. Then she remembered that he wasn't there, she'd seen him from heaven. He was sat in his house in Bath, over there in England, drinking away his sorrows and slowly killing himself. She had to get to him; she had to make him feel as happy as she'd been up in heaven. She had to give him the chance to make her that happy again. 'Home' was the next thing she thought and started making her way towards her house.

_And if I only could  
>I'd make a deal with God<br>And I'd get him to swap our places  
>Be running up that road<br>Be running up that hill  
>With no problems<em> 

How she got to the house in one piece she never knew. Fighting biker demons first thing after being resurrected wasn't exactly what she wanted to do. To tell the truth, she hadn't exactly wanted to be resurrected in the first place. Or had she? As confused as she was over the whole situation, she still had a very clear image in her mind of how miserable and broken Giles was. She had to find him. She had to go to him. The gang all seemed very happy to have her back, but they could tell she wasn't the same. She knew she wasn't the same. But she could be like old Buffy again, well, close to old Buffy, but still a new Buffy. Only one person could help her though and he was so far away from her now. Buffy had not said a word since the gang had found her and helped her back to the house. As she looked at them and moved her lips to speak, everyone held their breath, wondering what she was going to say. If they were hoping for an 'I'm so happy to be back' or a 'Miss me?' they were about to be disappointed. 'Where's Giles?'

_See, if I only could  
>I'd make a deal with God<br>And I'd get him to swap our places  
>Be running up that road<br>Be running up that hill  
>With no problems<br>_

The very same moment Buffy spoke those words the phone rang. Tara was the one to answer. Her face paled when she heard who it was. He spoke only one word. 'She's here', they all heard Tara say. She handed the phone over to Buffy, who immediately knew who was on the other end of the line. 'Giles?' she said with a trembling voice. Giles broke down in sobs. Buffy listened to him cry for half a minute, and then tried again. 'Giles? Giles please don't cry. I'm all right'.

Through the sobs he finally managed to speak. 'It's you. It's really you'.

'It really is' she managed.

'Buffy…' and then he broke down again.

'I'm coming to find you' she said. At that Giles let out a soft chuckle.

'You don't even have a passport Buffy'.

'I'll find a way to get to you'.

'No, I'll come to you. I'll leave tonight. I'm coming for you, love. I'm coming home'. Buffy didn't even flinch when he called her love. It just felt so… right.

'I'll be here waiting' she said and smiled into the phone. Giles smiled right back and then hung up the phone._  
><em>

24 hours later, there was a knock on the front door. No one had gotten a word out of Buffy since she'd hung up the phone the day before. Not that they hadn't tried. Dawn had immediately bombarded her with questions about Giles. When she didn't answer the others tried. Buffy said nothing. She'd sat down on the couch and waited, just like she'd told him. And there she'd sat since, only getting up a couple of times to go the bathroom. She sat in the same position the whole time, only shifting slightly now and then to keep her limbs from going numb. She hadn't slept, she couldn't. Willow and Dawn had brought her some food and drinks, but she hadn't touched any of it. All she could do was wait. When she heard the knock, Buffy jumped up from her seat and ran to the door throwing it open. And there he was. Rupert Giles. Her Watcher, her friend, her ally. Her love. They embraced each other tightly and they both shed tears. 'I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry for everything' Giles said with a choked voice.

'No, I'm sorry' Buffy said through the tears. 'I'm sorry you had to go through all this. I know how much you've been hurting. But you don't have to hurt any more now. I'm here'.

Giles pulled back from the embrace and cupped her cheeks. He held her gaze for a moment and he saw all the love that she held for him in there. 'You're here' he repeated. And then he moved in to kiss her. It was a slow sweet kiss that held all the love they both felt for each other. Neither wanted to let go. They just stood there in the doorway, kissing, savouring the moment, never wanting it to end. It did though when they heard Anya's voice somewhere behind Buffy, saying 'I told you they were in love Xander!'

The Scoobies had all come running when they heard the knock on the door, all knowing full well who it was and all knowing that Buffy would get to the door first. They all came to a halt as they saw the scene unfolding before their eyes and could do nothing but watch as Buffy and Giles gave in to their emotions. As Anya spoke, the two of them were brought back to reality and turned to look at the gang. Willow let out a soft gasp as she got a proper look of Giles. He was thinner than she'd ever seen him, his skin was pale and his face seemed to have aged ten years even though it had only been seven months since she'd last seen him. He was in a poor state, which Anya bluntly pointed out to him. 'You look like hell Giles' she said matter of factly. He gave her a look that seemed to say 'Well, duh!' and responded: 'I've been in hell, these horrible months without Buffy; hell on earth. But Buffy haven't. She was in heaven and you pulled her out of there' he said with a calm voice, yet it was laced with anger at their actions. Buffy could only stare at him. How had he known? He picked up her questioning look. 'How could you have been anywhere else, my sweet Buffy? Believe me; I couldn't be happier that you're here. But I can tell that you're confused and in pain and I wish you coming back to us had happened on your own terms'. He turned back to the group standing around them. 'I don't know what you did to bring her back, but I will find out. The only thing you can do now is be supportive, because it's going to take a lot of time for her to adjust to life here on earth again. But for now, I'd like to be alone with her, if you don't mind. She and I have some things to discuss'. Buffy smiled. When it really came to it, Giles wasn't all stutter and shy brit-guy. He took action and laid down the law. Taking her hand, Giles led them up the stairs and into her bedroom, without a second glance at the group still standing in the hallway, mouths hanging wide open. The last thing Buffy heard as the door to her bedroom closed behind her was Anya saying 'Well, he could at least have said thank you for bringing back the love of his life'.

_See, if I only could  
>I'd make a deal with God<br>And I'd get him to swap our places  
>Be running up that road<br>Be running up that hill  
>With no problems<em>

Giles sat her down on the bed, holding her hands in his. They said nothing for a while; Buffy had no idea what to say, for some reason, even though there were a million things she wanted to tell him. Then Giles spoke.

'So you know how much I've been hurting, you say?'

Buffy looked into his green eyes and saw all the pain he'd felt these months she'd been gone.

'Where I was…' she began, and then stopped.

'In heaven?' Giles offered.

'Yeah, in heaven. I was happy there, I felt warm and loved and safe. And I knew Dawn and all my friends were safe, that I'd saved them. But then I got the feeling that something wasn't right. So I made a wish, I wished to look at my friends and make sure they were okay, as okay as they could be I mean. And you weren't…' her voice trailed off. Giles said nothing but waited for her to continue. When she did, tears were streaming down her cheeks.

'I saw you Giles. You were miserable. You were drinking to dull the pain and you were a complete mess; not eating nor sleeping. You were broken and it was all because of me. I'd been so happy up until then and now I wanted nothing more than to trade places with you. I wanted you to be that happy to'.

Giles was crying again to. He touched her hair and caressed her right cheek with his left hand.

'I wanted nothing more either than to trade places with you. Not for you to be miserable, but that I had been the one to die instead of you, so that you got to live'.

Buffy smiled; a sad smile. 'But then I would have been the one who'd been miserable and broken. How could I have gone on without you by my side?'

'You would have managed' Giles said, suddenly feeling insecure and turning away his gaze. But Buffy took his face between her hands and made him look at her.

'No, don't do that Giles, don't sell yourself short! I know… I know that I haven't showed you enough in the past how much you mean to me. But you are my world, Rupert Giles. You're my Watcher. You make me feel safe and you make me feel like I can do anything I want if I put my mind to it. I can be myself around you; you know all my strengths and weaknesses. And I know I haven't appreciated your friendship enough sometimes and I never told you how much you mean to me. I never told you that I grew up and stopped seeing you as this old bookish guy in tweed and started seeing the man who is Rupert Giles. My Giles. My friend, protector, ally, equal. And I never told him that I'd fallen in love with him. But now we have a second chance. You said, downstairs, that my return didn't happen on my own terms. You're right about that, but you have to know that even though this world seems very strange and harsh to me at the moment, I am happy to be back. I wanted to come back, for you. I wasn't happy in heaven any more. The only way to be happy was to be with you. I love you, Rupert Giles'.

Buffy said all of this with such passion and determination and love in her voice that Giles could do nothing but sit quietly and listen to her sweet voice. When she was done, he scooped her up in a tight embrace and then he gave her a long passionate kiss.

'Oh Buffy, my love. I love you to. I never imagined you could ever feel the same way about me as I feel about you. But I know now that it's true. I really do wish that I'd told you sooner, I do, but now that you know, I will spend every waking moment of my life showing you just how much. And I'm going to help you get back on your feet and adjust to this world again. I still think the way they brought you back was wrong and I'm not going to let them off the hook easily. Even though there is so much love in your eyes right now, I also see fear. But don't worry; I'm going to help you through it. Not by doing everything for you, but by supporting you and loving you and teaching you how to stand on your own two feet'.

'I'd like that very much' Buffy answered. 'You can do what ever you like to help me. Just promise me one thing'.

'What?'

'Don't leave me'.

'Never. I promise'.

They leaned in for another kiss and as the couple lay down together on the bed and drifted of to sleep, curled up in each others arms; they both knew that they would be fine. From now on, they were untouchable; they could overcome anything, as long as they were together.

_See, if I only could  
>Be running up that hill<br>With no problems_


End file.
